In a world going green, the University of Arkansas seems to be interested in a different variety of “green.” While ostensibly portraying an image of environmental consciousness, the UA has sent a loud and clear message that it would rather you ride your car, not your bike, to class. It doesn’t take a college graduate to figure out why.
The stated purpose for the upcoming bicycle registration policy is that people are locking their bikes to trees, an understandable concern, but also to light posts, rails and other places where, and I quote, “the bicycle is blocking a path or walkway.”
I’ve been going to this school for five years and never has my path been blocked by a bicycle – mostly just by people doing what I call the “serpentine text walk.”
When the proposal was made to require bicycle registration, a fee of $15 was associated with acquiring a parking permit, the idea being that the fee would help fund the building of more bicycle loops on campus. There was such public outcry against the fee that the Transit and Parking Department agreed to provide the permits for free, while still fining non-permitted malefactors.
A bike loop costs just less than $300 to make. The new, and third, parking deck’s construction is estimated at $26 million… Yeah.
So, now, Joe the Cyclist, who rides a Specialized Rockhopper, has to take his bike in to the TPD office and fill out a form identifying his bicycle down to the serial number. He may even be required to provide proof of purchase. After filling out the form, he gets his sticker, affixes it permanently to the front of the vertical seat tube and rides back up Razorback Road to campus to park it legally on a bike loop.
Joe has a road bike, as well – a 1971 black Peugeot. He has to fill the form out for the Peugeot, too, and affix the permanent sticker to it. Years later he tries to sell his Peugeot, but he can’t get the sticker off, devaluing the Peugeot and otherwise ruining a vintage bicycle.
Joe’s girlfriend, Jane, rides a pink beach cruiser. It’s a one-speed, but she has strong legs. Jane is a busy girl and didn’t have the time to get the permit, but she rides it to class anyway and locks it up outside of the Chemistry building to go to her biology class.
When she gets out of class, she finds her bicycle gone. Jane calls the TPD and they inform her that it has been impounded, even though it was on a bike loop. She walks all the way to the parking office, has to provide a receipt for the purchase of her bike and then pays the $20 fee for not having a permit, in addition to a $10 impounding fee.
This sucks because that money was going toward her cell phone bill so she can call Joe when he goes out on Dickson Street to make sure he isn’t doing anything too stupid.
Their friend Jack rides a BMX. He’s one of those guys you see jumping up onto the handrails in front of the library and bouncing from one to the other as if attached to strings. He locks his bike up at the Union, but BMXs don’t have seats, so he can’t affix a permanent sticker to it. When the TPD impounds his bike, Jack is S.O.L., especially because he has a trials competition that afternoon.
Jill is an alumni with her bachelor’s in anthropology. Having paid her alumni fee, Jill decides to visit campus on her Schwinn. She didn’t know about the new bicycle registration policy, so after visiting an old professor she finds her bike gone and assumes it stolen, when really it has been impounded by the TPD.
Jim rides his Cannondale to the Razorback Transit station to catch the bus to work. His tire gets a flat so he leaves it there for a few days until he can afford a tube. He gets off work one day and his bike is gone.
Jen is a Fayetteville resident who rides her Trek to Carnall Hall on a Tuesday for the Indian buffet, finishes her lunch and … well, you get the idea.
I spoke with Gary Smith, director of the TPD, who seems like a nice guy. When he explained to me how the registration process works, he attempted to illustrate a hypothetical situation wherein a person would describe their bike for the record, saying, “It’s a blue, 27-inch, well, whatever, I don’t know bikes.” That’s like the butcher not knowing what cut of cow the sirloin is.
Noam Chomsky, world-renowned linguist and philosopher, has called the invention of the bicycle the pinnacle and symbol of man’s evolution, the “most practically energy-efficient machine man has conceived.”
He also said, “The most effective way to restrict democracy is to transfer decision-making from the public arena to unaccountable institutions.”
I’ve always liked ol’ Noam.
To be part of the community of cyclists, you can join the Facebook group “U of A Students Against Bicycle Parking Fees on Campus,” even if you don’t ride a bike. It’s already more than 1,000 members strong. They can’t impound them all.
Absurdity is the word of the day.



