Former Razorback Joe Johnson (white) (Photo by Kent D. Johnson/Atlanta Journal-Constitution/MCT)
SWINGING FOR THE FOUL POLE
By Matt Watson
The following story is satirical in nature with fictitious quotes and opinions. It is meant for entertainment purposes only and not to be taken serious. Seriously.
With more than a handful of Arkansas Razorback basketball players missing in action early this season because of disciplinary or medical issues, university officials have called on a few former Hog hoop stars to come back and represent their alma mater on the court once again.
Although the Razorbacks returned all five starters from a season ago, two of those returning starters are currently suspended indefinitely – guards Stefan Welsh and Courtney Fortson – and another returning starter, forward Michael Sanchez, is battling plantar fasciitis, some kind of Voodoo foot disease keeping yet another Hog on the sidelines.
So a few phone calls later, and the desperate UA athletic department filled the basketball roster with NBA stars Joe Johnson and Ronnie Brewer, who are coming back to Fayetteville not just to fill up the roster but join current Razorback stars Michael Washington and Rotnei Clarke in a quest to win an NCAA title and restore Arkansas hoops to national prominence again.
“I think it is going to be a lot of fun,” said Johnson, the 28-year-old Atlantic Hawks forward who has been an NBA All-Star and played on the U.S. national team since leaving Arkansas in 2001. Johnson played two seasons with the Razorbacks, leading the team in points and rebounding in both his freshman and sophomore campaigns.
“I’m pretty sure it’s an utter violation of NCAA rules, but I think I can be an asset to the Razorbacks. The Hawks are playing the Houston Rockets on Friday anyway, so I don’t think they’ll even need me to win.”
Brewer, 24, has enjoyed professional success with the Utah Jazz, emerging as one of the best defensive players in the NBA. His reputation earned him the task of guarding Kobe Bryant in the Jazz’ playoff series against the Los Angeles Lakers last season.
“I’m from Fayetteville, so it will be great to be back home and get to wear a Razorback jersey again. Plus, playing in the Southeastern Conference will be a cakewalk compared to guarding Michael Jordan wannabes every night,” Brewer said.
Brewer is in for another surprise too – another Arkansas legend, Ron Brewer Sr., will be joining the team as well. Ron and Ronnie are No. 15 and 16 on the all-time Arkansas scoring list, respectively, and it is believed that they will form the first ever father-son player tandem in NCAA history.
The 54-year-old Brewer should bring some much-needed experience to a Razorback team that began the season with three newcomers in the starting lineup.
“Experienced? Are you calling me old? I can take you right now. Let’s take this outside,” Ron said, before rolling up his sleeves and walking out on the interview, not to be heard of again.
It is unknown whether the other two “Triplets,” (Marvin Delph and Sidney Moncrief) from the UA 1978 Final Four team have been contacted about playing again.
“Still, I’m pretty sure this whole thing is illegal,” Johnson said. “I was offered big money from some other SEC schools, but I’ve always wanted to be a Razorback. Again.”