Fayetteville gets freaky
By April Robertson
John Harvey Kellogg – yes, the cornflake-inventor Kellogg – never consummated his marriage. In fact, on his honeymoon, he wrote a 644-page treatise on the evils of sexual intercourse, according to the book “Five People Who Died During Sex.” The huge treatise surely would not exist today if Kellogg had been familiar with the products of Seductions and Condom Sense in Fayetteville – two among many area stores that sell sex products.
Can you purchase pleasure?
Condom Sense, located on Dickson Street, carries numerous novelty items, massage oils and lubricants, a wide variety of crude greeting cards (including a special section for Valentine’s Day cards) and, of course, condoms.
Among the Condom Sense products are an assortment of games for sexual activity, and one section of the store is devoted solely to organizing bachelorette parties, with many games centered on the penis.
“Pin the Macho on the Man,” for example, is based on the old pin-the tail-on-the-donkey game, but instead, you put the penis on the man. For food, bachelorettes might make a cake in the shape of a penis (cast available at Condom Sense) and eat candy after breaking into a penis piñata before taking shots from glasses labeled “Nymphomaniac Training.” To end the evening, the bride-to-be might receive a gift bag covered in stick figures in sexual positions, with nipple tassels inside.
Another theme-party section is centered on the “Over the Hill” crowd, and most of these products seem to be aimed toward older men, poking fun at the sexual disadvantages of old age. For instance, the store sells “Dr. Geri Atrick’s Miracle Cast” (a toilet paper roll), but other products garner the typical college boy snicker: boobie slippers, booby nose, etc.
Condom Sense employees tend to offer customers advice on how to host these particular parties and sometimes throw in a sheet of “tips” with the purchased products.
Seductions: “Home of the Naughty” has three locations, one of which is on College Avenue. There, customers are required to show ID, as it is an adult store.
Like Condom Sense, Seductions has a variety of novelty items, massage oils and lubricants, but it also features a wide selection of lingerie and men’s underwear, libido creams, dildos, X-rated movies, sexual books and a few products in categories of their own.
Among women’s clothing are net-like, lacy “body stockings,” strapless gown nighties, garters, corsets, stilettos and skirts the height of a small hand.
Sexual enhancement creams, such as Stronger Harder Power Cream, Head Job: Oral Sex Lotion, Stay Stiff as a Board and soda-flavored lubricant, are sold at the counter from a display case. Various “sexual” bathing products, such as “Passion Bubbles” and “Sex Bubbles,” the Kamasutra healing blend oil and Power Pill, are available, too.
Seductions employees said that the store offers so much variety that there isn’t just one or two most popular items. But one of the more unique products the store offers is the Suntouched Edible Candle, which becomes a massage oil or lubricant after the consumer has melted it down and poured it out. The candle is safe for consumption because it is made of a variety of food oils: soybean, coconut, hemp seed, apricot, avocado and a few others.
Seductions will even hook students up with a Valentine’s Day date if they haven’t found one yet. The “Grow a Lover: Create the Perfect Date” product is a figure that grows in water. Set the voluptuous female in water and she will be 600 percent larger after a few hours.
Seductions’ sexual enhancement products section include sex harnesses, bondage rope, dildos (some labeled “Hole Patrol”), male enhancement pumps and leather hoods with leashes.
And although passersby see only women’s lingerie in the display case, Seductions also has a wide selection of men’s underwear.
Most of the underwear is labeled with a name describing the graphic on the underwear and a catch phrase on the package for further explanation: The Screw Driver G-String “for the guy who likes to screw,” Four Foot Hero Bikini “for the guy with unlimited growth potential” and Referee G-String “for the guy who likes to call the shots.”
The women’s lingerie section includes many of the old favorites: nighties that look like nurse outfits, skimpy camouflage outfits, the proverbial maid outfit and various crotchless panties and nighties. Transparent, solid, edible: Seductions has them all.
The book section seems fairly small in comparison to other sections of Seductions; it includes mostly how-to books about sexuality, like “How to Make Love Like a Porn Star” by Jenna Jameson, “Erotic Massage,” “How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure,” and more.
Other sexual manuals and books on sexuality can be found at the Fayetteville Public Library, and they include “Sex Without Guilt in the 21st Century” and “Why is Sex Fun?” Before students get too excited, though, there is only one copy of the Kamasutra. There is an available copy of the Lesbian Kamasutra, as well.
In some area public schools, there has been controversial reactions on sexual education, which led to the restriction of certain books in those schools.
At the Fayetteville Public Library, no books are restricted and there is not an age requirement for the patron. For instance, young adults are not required to have a parent sign to check out books with sexual content.
Not shy to advertise
Plenty of singles and “open-minded” couples in Northwest Arkansas advertise their search for companionship in all its different forms on Craigslist.
In this venue, as always, there are extremes: the person who posts five paragraphs of minute details – “this is exactly what I want” – and the person that posts only a vague phrase or two.
Among the most recent double-take advertisements titles are “Want to get pregnant?” and “Are you a lesbian couple looking for a donor? Are you not married but want a child? Are you married but he can’t conceive? I can help!”
A more detailed account came from “Two Women Seeking Third for Friends with Benefits.” The lesbian couple has been together for 12 years and used five paragraphs to explain their the search for a woman well-suited to each of the couple’s characters. They are looking for an on-the-side playmate, a long-term friendship without strings or expectations. “No weird stuff, just sensual and fun sex and friendship with a woman.”
One man simply stated, “Just hoping there’s a woman out there who wants to enjoy life with me. Please include your history and a photo.”
One of the page-long advertisements read like a Douglas Adams novel with the following highlights: “I can provide you with a ration of anxiety attacks, sleep disturbances and a new-found paranoia. I am also willing to upset the most solid of friendships, anger your mother and challenge your ability to keep your job… My undeniable sex appeal, charm and natural talent for mayhem will not fail… Once our courtship ensues, you will have a renewed appreciation for the ho-hum… Food will taste better. Laughter will be more joyful… Why am I willing to offer this life-changing experience? Well, frankly, I’m tired of the cold Ozark winter, and I really need a good back rub right now.”
Partners to die for
Long before Craigslist, international leaders had to meet people the organic way.
And a few of them died in the process of … well, you know.
Felix Faure, the sixth president of the French Republic, died during a rendezvous with his mistress Madame Steinhal in 1899. Apparently, Faure’s bodyguards heard a scream, so they broke down the door only to find Madame Steinhal in a state of trauma-induced lockjaw sitting in front of Faure, now dead, on a sofa.
Rumor has it that Lord Palmerston, a British prime minister in the mid-1800s, died at the age of 82. He experienced a heart attack while engaged in a sex act with a young parlor maid on his billiard table.
Cardinal Jean Danielou dropped dead on the stairs of a brothel in Clichy, the red-light district of Paris. The French police explained that the 70-year-old Cardinal was on his way to “comfort” a 24-year-old blond prostitute in official capacity only.
Nelson Aldrich Rockefeller, the grandson of John D. Rockefeller and 41st vice president, died in the saddle at the age of 71 while working on a late Saturday night “project” with his 27-year-old female research assistant. The unlucky researcher was pinned under her hefty boss’s naked body for several minutes until she eventually phoned the paramedics. According to The New York Times, he “died the way he’d lived, with an enthusiasm for life in all its public and private passions.”